New Baby Life

I've done this new mom thing before. You think I'd remember that I don't sleep well. You'd think it wouldn't be news to me that I'm a little crankier than usual. But no, it always takes me by surprise. All I really want to do is wallow in a baby moon...snuggling, nursing, and changing without all the distractions of real life. But it turns out the other kids still want to be fed, as does my husband. The laundry won't do itself, and the food hasn't started jumping into the crock pot so I can turn it on and go! Crazy, huh?

Now there's so much to do. Reagan and Ciaran have school. And of course Ciaran likes shouting (a sensory thing) and kicking (another sensory and communication thing). Quinn has suddenly decided that he needs to do everything his big brother does. That's so normal, but when the child he's emulating is a child with Autism, it leads to some unusual behavior that I really don't need in stereo. The girls are busy with homeschooling (which I totally need to do my paperwork for this year) and I need to keep up with that as well. We're actually studying Colonial America, as is Reagan. Reagan didn't realize we were studying that particular topic and took one of our materials to school to show his teacher who then asked to borrow it. I've had to ask Reagan to please get it back as we need it for our lesson this week.

I know a lot of families make it look easy to fold a new baby into the routine of the family, but I've always found it a bit challenging. Babies have their own time table, and we have to work around it while still meeting everyone else's needs. Still, somehow it will all work out, and with any luck I won't go all nutty in the process. Not that I don't love it, because I do. But it can be wonderful and challenging at the same time.

Spectrum Saturdays: Gratitude

It may sound odd that I titled this entry "Gratitude" but over the past few days I've had some time to think about what I'm grateful for with regards to Autism. I've lived with Autism for years. I just didn't know it. The name didn't change what we were dealing with, but it did help. "Autism" as a label opened doors. It brought with it special classes, therapists, doctors, and opportunities for my sons to get help that we never would have gotten without that word.

I could list for days the way that Autism makes me crazy. For example, Ciaran has been on a kicking spree lately. We have French doors that lead to the master bedroom. Ciaran likes to wake me up in the morning by kicking them. Or if I go in there to change or feed the baby, he's right there kick, kick, kicking them and generally making me crazy. He does it for a number of reasons, all related to his Autism. Autism is the reason it's so hard to potty train, that Reagan has so much trouble staying focused, and what hinders communication with Ciaran. But this label means we have a chance to fight back. Because now that it has a name, we have some idea of what tools to use. And we will use them, we will fight, and we will somehow win.

I'm grateful for the unique human being my Autistics are. I cherish each smile I'm given, and each milestone reached. I'm grateful for the label, if not for the disorder.

Autism affects 1 in 100 children. Two of them are mine.

Spectrum Saturdays: Autism Speaks

This movie should be seen by everyone who lives with Autism in their lives or their family, and everyone who loves and supports them. It's well worth the 4 minute investment.



I see the wall that Autism builds, every day. I saw it tonight when Ciaran fell and knocked out his front tooth and couldn't even tell me if it hurt. But I will climb the wall, I will go over it, under it, around it, or even (as the video says) tear it down with my bare hands. Autism should be afraid. It may think it can kill our hope, but it can not. We will win, and I will win my child away from it. I will never give up. And neither I, nor my sons, are alone

Defeating Duggar Syndrome

When people in the hospital found out that I'd just delivered my sixth child, most had the same question: Will you have more? To be honest, asking a woman who's just pushed a child out if she'd like to do that again, seems pointless. I'd have to be a masochist to want to do that again before I've had a chance to forget that it hurt! All I really wanted to do was rest and spend time with the baby I just had, not think about having more.

So, I come home with my new baby and turn on the Duggar show 18 Kids and Counting. On it Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar (God bless them) announced that they are expecting baby number 19. The Duggars always make me think and question. My pregnancies cause so much back pain for me. How does she do it after so many? Is it easy for them to do this because they have healthy babies and easy pregnancies? Would they feel or act differently if their circumstances were different?

I also wonder how they manage meeting everyone's needs. I've seen their buddy system and all, but what did they do with lots of young children before they had lots of older children? How did Michelle not go crazy when exhausted from pregnancy or with a new baby and all the other kids needed her? How does she work a new baby into the routine with homeschooling and everything else? And why does she make me feel so totally inadequate as a mom?

For me, Duggar Syndrome is more than just being jealous that I will never be able to have babies without thinking about things like back pain, finances, and prematurity. Frankly, I know some women have two and then are happily done, but I'll never be one of those women. I think I'll always want more, even if it's not a good idea. Duggar Syndrome is also the feeling that I don't have nearly as much on my plate as Michelle Duggar, but somehow am unable to keep it all together as well as she does. I wonder if she has had any times of self doubt as a parent.

When I'm sleeping so close to someone this tiny and gorgeous, how could I not want to be the best mom in the world? To make all the right choices? To give these wonderful blessings everything they need to be good people?

I may not be able to banish my doubts easily. But, thankfully, I'm not going it alone.

Heavenly Father,

Make me a better parent

Teach me to understand my children,

To listen patiently to what they have to say,

And to answer all their questions kindly.

Keep me from interrupting them,

or contradicting them.

Make me as courteous to them

as I would have them be to me.

Forbid that I should ever laugh at their mistakes,

Or resort to shame or ridicule if they displease me.

Bless me with the bigness to grant them

all their reasonable requests,

And the courage to deny them privileges

that I know will do them harm.

Make me fair and just and kind.

And fit me, O Lord,

to be loved and respected

and imitated by my children.

Amen.

Bringing Brennan Home

Last Tuesday, after 16 days in the NICU, I finally got to bring Brennan home. He needed several days getting CPAP to keep his lungs open. Then he had a couple of days with high flow oxygen through nasal canula to keep his breathing deep. At that point he was also started under bilirubin lights for his jaundice. After coming out from the lights, he had to go back under. And of course, he had to learn to eat. The magic answer seemed to come when we put him on a regular flow nipple and he started eating like a champ.

Still, NICU life is stressful. It was hard to split time between the kids at home who needed me, and the baby in the hospital who needed me. Bringing him home was wonderful. And, of course, he took to nursing like a champ as soon as I got him home. And he's been busy this week, eating, sleeping, filling his diapers, and generally being adorable.

I worried that the kids would have issues, but so far they all seem to love him. Even Quinn spent half the evening tonight trying to kiss him on his head. He hasn't been jealous at all.

Last week I tried to get rest. This week, I'm starting my routine with chores again. It's important for my sanity that I keep my house in order. Next week, we'll add in school. I'm anxious to get back to all the fun things we were studying before I got horribly distracted by other things (you know like contractions, family visits, Summer...).

And I promise to get back to blogging. My husband keeps telling me he misses reading my posts.

Brennan and Piper. You can see how tiny he is compared to her.

Baby Brennan Is Born!

I woke up Saturday and just didn't feel right. I was moody and weepy and way too emotional. I thought maybe it was because Karina was going home. I absolutely adore my step-daughter and love having her here. I decided that, whatever the cause, I needed to listen to my body and my emotions and try to rest. I didn't do very well at it though.

Around 8:30 PM I went to the bathroom, hoping it would help ease the contractions I'd been having. As I was walking back to bed, I felt the familiar pop and gush that meant my water had broken. I went upstairs and told Dominic, who was not surprised. My emotional state had already clued him in that labor was coming.

After our friend Sonya came to watch the kids for the night, Dominic and I took off to the hopsital.

The nurses confirmed that my membranes had ruptured, and admitted me. There was some concern that the NICU wouldn't be able to take our baby, which was important since he was 6 weeks early. Lucky for us, they said they'd be able to take him in the morning. So, we stayed at our hospital and didn't push labor to get going. We both tried to get some sleep.

At about 5 am, Pitocin was started. It took time to really get labor going, but Pit is pretty effective, and within a few hours I was starting to feel the contractions. They advanced the medication slowly which allowed me to progress well with labor. We put our Bradley techniques to good use with other techniques that work for us. I knew me. I knew that labor would progress slowly at first, and then rapidly.

After hours in labor, I started to look more like this:

I was tired, and working hard, and despite smiling, it totally showed. I was having pretty bad back labor. I felt all my contractions from the top of my hips in the back and all the way down my thighs. Back rubs usually make me feel better in labor. But this time I found it distracting. I tried to sit up as much as possible to let baby's head push on my cervix, and Dominic would sit at the end of my bed and rub my legs.

My husband, by the way, is a fantastic birth coach. Encouraging and patient, he always knew the right tone to take, picked up easily on my cues, and did everything possible to meet my needs. He also never took offense if I sounded snappy when making a request. Sometimes I have a hard time when in the throes of a contraction, finding a way to politely ask for what I want.

Around 3 pm labor had progressed and contractions were coming much harder. I was having a hard time getting in a good position and keeping baby's heart on the monitor. At which point we elected for internal monitoring. I was now very hard at work, and relying on my training and my husband to get me through each contraction. After each one I reminded myself that I was one contraction closer to the end. It was probably close to an hour later when my nurse said she thought it was only going to be a couple more contractions before I was ready to push. I agreed.

Two contractions later, everything changed. I felt his head come down quickly and the urge to push was overwhelming. While I started pushing, Dominic called the nurse. The contraction ended and the nurse checked me, afraid I was pushing too soon and wanting to be sure I was ready and not going to hurt my cervix. She felt the baby's head and got on the intercom paging my doctor and the NICU team.

The next contraction hit and I pushed. The nurse asked me to stop, saying she really didn't want to deliver a 34 weeker. I tried to pant through it, I swear I did! But my body had other ideas and it was pushing the baby out. I could feel him coming. And frankly, I had lost all control and stopped trying to work against my body. I saw the nurse and Dominic practically jump towards the bed to catch our baby as he slipped out. They put him on my chest and he let out a beautiful lusty cry. Brennan Beren Basso had been born at 4:05 pm.

The doctor arrived and I cut the cord. I'd had a few precious moments with him before he was whisked off by the NICU nurses.

I had made it through just fine, and again, without an epidural. Epidurals can be nice, and believe me, I would have liked one. Maybe it's because I've never had a labor that wasn't either Pitocin induced or augmented. I don't know. But I do know that I recover a lot easier when I don't get one. So, I was very proud of myself.

The NICU weighed him in at 5 lbs. 1 oz. and he was 18 1/2 inches long.

Despite his prematurity, he's strong and pretty healthy. His quick trip through the birth canal meant that all the fluid wasn't quite squeezed from his lungs. But he's been expelling it, coughing it up, and is improving quickly. He hasn't needed to be intubated, but is on a CPAP machine which makes sure that he's taking deep enough breaths.

His breathing is still pretty rapid. But his blood gasses keep coming back great and he's very active. Hopefully I'll get to hold him this afternoon.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. If things continue this well, he'll be home with us in no time. And, as ever, I am so thankful for all of the gifts we've been given, including the love of friends, family, and people who have never even met us, but offered us so much love and support. You all continue to be God's hands in our lives.

Baby is Coming

Well, despite all my high hopes, history is repeating itself. I'm 34 weeks pregnant today and my water has broken. We're al settled in at the hospital and labor hasn't really started, so we're hoping to get a bit of rest tonight.

When we first got here, they told us that the special care nursery wasn't able to take our baby. So, the choice was between trying to hold off labor as long as possible, or transferring us to another hospital. We've had all our Minnesota babies here, and I really hoped we wouldn't have to leave.

Thankfully for us, there won't be a staffing issue as of tomorrow morning, so we don't have to leave. Our nurses tonight are both familiar faces. One took care of us when I went into labor with Quinn, and one took care of us both for Sarah and Ciaran's birth.

There's something about having a baby with people who've cared for you before and remember you. I'm so thankful to have such incredible staff to care for me, and our baby.

Please pray for us. I wanted this baby to stay in a bit longer!